I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
