Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
