apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
