Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
