I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
