glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
