I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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