you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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