no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
