Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Boobs are out for the taking
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
