i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
