man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
