found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
