Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
