That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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