I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
