Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
