It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
