I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would fuck him just for his dog
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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