Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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