Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
