forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
