I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
