sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
