my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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