drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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