So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
