just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my fart just growled at me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
