I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
