his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's get the cat blown out
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
