I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
