respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm passing your future prison.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
