there's paper in my vomit.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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