As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
