Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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