Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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