Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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