I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
