i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
