She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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