yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
