Me. At least after what I've been through.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
