i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
