come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
