She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
