I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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