I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
