how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
