There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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