I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
