walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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